We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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