You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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