I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
