you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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