getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize