I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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