Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
