Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Randomize
