coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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