By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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