love makes seman taste better
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
