Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
