Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize