we should wear snuggies to the strip club
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
