Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
