We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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