walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
