I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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