i permit you to call me
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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