i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
