i would punch a child for taco bell
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Randomize
