you're like a bully in the Christmas story
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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