I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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