i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
