Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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