Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
