By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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