You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
