I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
