Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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