We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
