you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
