we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
