Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
