So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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