Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
