She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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