Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
