How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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