its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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