and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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