I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
