im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
