i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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