Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
