I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Watching her eat just hurts me
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
