We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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