Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
