i think my tv is drunk
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
