Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
