i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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