there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
