well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
