Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
