Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
