How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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