I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
this beer tastes like vomit already
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
