At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
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