the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
