I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i came on her dog
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
