Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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