Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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