just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Randomize
