So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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