i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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