the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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