Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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