Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
