I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
