You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
